🎵 Cabinet Battle #1 // by Christopher Jackson

266 ContributorsTranslationsTürkçesrpskiPortuguêsEspañol Cabinet Battle #1 Lyrics These cabinet meeting scenes are staged and styled after live “rap battle” performances—like those in Style Wars, Scribble Jam or 8 Mile—where rappers freestyle, often with extreme braggadocio, until one… Read More  [WASHINGTON] Ladies and gentlemen, you coulda been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with us in New York City Are you ready for a cabinet meeting? The issue on the table: Secretary Hamilton's plan to assume state debt and establish a national bank Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor, sir [JEFFERSON] "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" We fought for these ideals, we shouldn't settle for less These are wise words, enterprising men quote 'em Don't act surprised, you guys, 'cause I wrote 'em [JEFFERSON/MADISON] Ow [JEFFERSON] But Hamilton forgets His plan would have the government assume state's debts Now, place your bets as to who that benefits: The very seat of government where Hamilton sits [HAMILTON] Not true [JEFFERSON] Ooh, if the shoe fits, wear it If New York's in debt, why should Virginia bear it? Uh, our debts are paid, I'm afraid Don't tax the South 'cause we got it made in the shade In Virginia, we plant seeds in the ground, we create You just wanna move our money around This financial plan is an outrageous demand And it's too many damn pages for any man to understand Stand with me in the land of the free And pray to God we never see Hamilton's candidacy Look, when Britain taxed our tea, we got frisky Imagine what gon' happen when you try to tax our whisky [WASHINGTON & CROWD] Thank you, Secretary Jefferson That's my alcohol Secretary Hamilton, your response [HAMILTON] Thomas, that was a real nice declaration Welcome to the present, we're running a real nation Would you like to join us, or stay mellow Doin' whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello? If we assume the debts, the union gets A new line of credit, a financial diuretic How do you not get it? If we're aggressive and competitive the union gets a boost You'd rather give it a sedative? A civics lesson from a slaver, hey, neighbor Your debts are paid 'cause you don't pay for labor "We plant seeds in the South, we create" Yeah, keep ranting We know who's really doing the planting And another thing, Mr. Age of Enlightenment Don't lecture me about the war, you didn't fight in it You think I'm frightened of you, man? We almost died in the trench While you were off gettin' high with the French Thomas Jefferson, always hesitant with the President Reticent—there isn't a plan he doesn't jettison Madison, you're mad as a hatter, son, take your medicine Damn, you're in worse shape than the national debt is in Sittin' there useless as two shits Hey, turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits [WASHINGTON] Excuse me? Madison, Jefferson, take a walk Hamilton, take a walk We're gonna reconvene after a brief recess. Hamilton [HAMILTON] Sir [WASHINGTON] A word [MADISON] You don't have the votes [JEFFERSON/MADISON] You don't have the votes [JEFFERSON] Ah-ah-ha-ha, ha [JEFFERSON/MADISON] You're gonna need congressional approval and you don't have the votes [JEFFERSON] Such a blunder, sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder [MADISON] Why he even brings the thunder [WASHINGTON] You wanna pull yourself together? [HAMILTON] I'm sorry, these Virginians are birds of a feather [WASHINGTON] Young man, I'm from Virginia, so watch your mouth [HAMILTON] So we let Congress get held hostage by the South? [WASHINGTON] You need the votes [HAMILTON] No, we need bold strokes. We need this plan [WASHINGTON] No, you need to convince more folks [HAMILTON] Well, James Madison won't talk to me, that's a nonstarter [WASHINGTON] Ah, winning was easy, young man, governing's harder [HAMILTON] They're being intransigent [WASHINGTON] You have to find a compromise [HAMILTON] But they don't have a plan, they just hate mine [WASHINGTON] Convince them otherwise [HAMILTON] And what happens if I don't get congressional approval? [WASHINGTON] I imagine they'll call for your removal [HAMILTON] Sir— [WASHINGTON] Figure it out, Alexander That's an order from your commander